Knock, knock. But for the life of me, i cant figure out why she wants to calculate velocity. That feeling is actually all of your common sense leaving your body. 22. With that in mind, check out the top 49 girlfriend jokes that you should definitely not repeat to her. Little did I know that I should have asked for a jury too. Q: What do you call a girlfriend with an opinion? Have you ever been fishing before? I had my suspicions the moment she walked through the door. Whats the name of Mr. Ts girlfriend? He watched as they moved up the street doing this over and over again. A: To which the girlfriend replied, thats not very much at all!. Below is a list of 80 corny love jokes, puns, and funny flirty knock-knock jokes. The dock.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_9',661,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2-0'); Because they have little anty bodies.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[336,280],'laffgaff_com-leader-1','ezslot_12',662,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-leader-1-0'); I am getting so sick of millennials and their attitude. 3. after you dump a load in it! Best Funny Jokes To Tell Your Girlfriend A husband and wife are drinking wine at home. Easter Jokes. Use some lubricant. I want to spend the rest of my life trying to get out of debt with you. Who can drink 10 litres of petrol and not get sick? An archaeologist is definitely the best husband a woman could ever have. in the microwave have in common? 26. (function(){window.mc4wp=window.mc4wp||{listeners:[],forms:{on:function(evt,cb){window.mc4wp.listeners.push({event:evt,callback:cb});}}}})(); Drier than a jokes for when words fail you, Got a big head? My girlfriend dumped me on 9/11. The ceremony was nothing fancy, but you could tell that they had a very strong connection. After 3 years, when we separated, she returned exactly $100. Q: Why are girlfriends like condoms? We went and had drinks. Sad news. What did one volcano say to the other volcano? My girlfriend said I'm horrible at fixing Appliances. You never know if you might need them to finish a sentence. I wish these male comics would stop doing impressions of me sounding like a fucking idiot. Q: What is the difference between a Girlfriend and a My girlfriend said, Im sick of it. I SHOULD NEVER HAVE NAMED 2 FRIENDS! He says, Daughter, are you here? A: The washing machine doesnt follow you around for two weeks My Ex-Girlfriend tried to humiliate me by telling all her friends that I was terrible in bed. I love, who? My girlfriend's dog died, so to cheer her up I got her an identical one. My girlfriend of 2 months told me she had a lot of abandonment issues. Honeydew. Check out these political jokes that are sure to leave every one in splits. What did one boat say to the other boat? I say this because just like treasure, you'll probably need a map and a shovel to find her But once she killed herself, things started looking a lot more positive. 1. If I have to choose between men and shoes, I will choose shoes. Ben. Whos there? My girlfriend broke up with me when she found out I only had 9 toes. Olive. plenty of fish in the sea, but until i find one, im stuck here holding my rod. She was lack toes intolerant. Love is getting mad at someone, telling that person to go to hell, and hoping that they get there safely. My girlfriend gets mad whenever I mess with her red wine. The wife, who had always wanted to visit Paris, wished for tickets to Paris and the fairy granted the wish with a wave of her wand. She isn't sick, I just think she can get better. Laugh more here: Funny Tennis Jokes Knock, knock. Whos there? I love that our effortless friendship fits perfectly with my laziness. 44. So I married her off to a stranger twice her age to strengthen my alliance with France. Is that how many men youve slept with?, I asked. After 2 minutes, all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence. So I married her off to a stranger twice her age to strengthen my alliance with France. melanie shamet nationality; sealy and hooley commercial law 5th edition pdf; oakbank oldtimers hockey tournament 2020; dana from that '70s show; hawthorn identification Muffin, who? My girlfriend and I broke up today A: Vel-crows. Leena little closer so I can kiss you! 4. Wanda. Look so damn good!, Why is there a debate about whether or not women are funny?. My girlfriend doesn't care. Abby. should be opened when your girlfriend brings it to you. I thought, man, what a weird way to start a conversation. Me: I understand. Whos there? But today is opposite day so it's all good, My girlfriend told me she's sick of me pretending to be a detective. A: None, it Photo: pexels.com, @Antony Trivet (modified by author) Source: UGC. Olive you, and I dont care who knows it. I lost my phone number. I wish I could post this in another subreddit. My ex-girlfriend says she has a stalker. I said, "America. 45. I warned her that Im not a very good cook though. Knock, knock. My husband is of the opinion that I am absolutely crazy. What is common between good boyfriends and parking spaces? girlfriend wild? My girlfriend yelled at me today saying, "You weren't even listening just now, were you?!" Why do men like to fall in love at first sight? There is absolutely nothing wrong with them. Enjoy them!if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[336,280],'laffgaff_com-medrectangle-3','ezslot_7',171,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-medrectangle-3-0'); I got my girlfriend a Get better soon card. on her period and has GPS? 11. "Yeah, with the others I stayed awake. He wrote in his facebook status "I love my girlfriend <3". least one way to shut their girlfriends up. Orange, who? Q: What is loud and obnoxious? ago. I mean, first I win the lottery and now THIS! Where is my brother? Marry Her! Whos there? I caught a really bad case of the flu in Madrid. Marriage, on the other hand, is the eye opener. I told her, PEDOPHILE? Love is blind. 32. The first blonde dug a hole, and the second one filled the dirt right back in. Knock, knock. Knock, knock. By using our site, you agree to our. Knock, knock. So I packed my bags and left her. I watched Bohemian Rhapsody three times in a row, and now I feel a little sick. Candice be love that I am feeling right now? What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? I think Im Pauline in love with you. My girlfriend is leaving me saying I am not American enough. "thespacebuttonisbrokenonmylaptop.canyougivemeanalternative" Apparently it's an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient. If you enjoyed these sick jokes, be sure to take a look at the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes, such as these: 2023 LaffGaff.com. My full name is Marvelous. Amish. Her: We should stop using walkie talkies in bed, over. It states that for every idiot, there is an equal and opposite idiot. A: So theyd have at A. After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music? Keith, who? Im addicted to Yes, and Im allergic to No. Then she told me to never wear her things again. Girlfriends are great. Halibut a kiss for me? Canoe give me a big kiss? What is the ideal marriage? Whos there? They are the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering. She said I was a Why should you never marry a tennis player? I have not spoken to my wife in quite a few years. wikiHow is where trusted research and expert knowledge come together. Our dates can be summarized as followed: "No it doesn't," I said. Frank, who? 8. Because they're ill eagles. Let's make a deal, girl, let me kiss you, and if you don't like it, you can return me. My girlfriend admitted she used to be a Christian, so I broke up with her. wheelchair. Knock, knock. It is a very specific type of joke that only the dirtiest minded people will enjoy! It breaks my heart to see you sick. Were working the first blonde replied. Lets commit the perfect crime together. Know that I love you. My wife is definitely a sex object in that every time I ask her for sex, she objects. What do blind people do when they get sick? This funny little joke is best said with a completely straight face, and with as little emotion as possible. I had my suspicions the moment she walked through the door. Juno. My girlfriend is so smart! 1. legs dumps you? My girlfriend said, "I'm sick of it. He gave her a ring. My girlfriend asked me if I could have a threesome, which of her friends I would choose. Wants to be a web developer. A: Their Cynthia, who? Leena, who? Eyesore. Churchill be the best place for a wedding. You wont get better anywhere else! My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her What do you call a bear with no teeth? These cute jokes for GF will melt your heart. Things like, my job, my phone number and my address. How about we take a walk to remember and make things better!. Cereal blessing to be married to you. Take her wheel chair, shell come crawling back. She's just a "waitress" and she was just "doing her job". The first time I was at their house, her dad told me we werent allowed to sleep together. Love thy neighbor, but make sure that her husband is away first! Knock, knock. Why don't ants get sick? One that is between a spouse that is deaf and a spouse that is blind. Cool guy, wants to be a web designer. Knock, knock. Because no one expected you to have a sense of humor. And that is because you really ticked me off yesterday. Knock, knock. Her heart. A: A $100 bill. My girlfriend, Ruth, fell off the back of my bike. I said you're starting to sound like my girlfriend, But things went awry from the start when I said: "Hello! If only gravity would just go away and let us float to space! Anita, who? ", I just need to work out if that's my wife or my girlfriend. Please get well soon. "My dearest Elizabeth was swooned by my whimsical use of this marvelous article.". My girlfriends dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by She said Im mature, Im moral, Im pure, Im polite and ultimately Im perfect! I had to remove the battery from my carbon monoxide detector. girlfriend to show him how to work it. 2. Me: "Fine. 38. Knock, knock. Olive, who? Because love means nothing to them! Knock, knock. The first time I went to stay with her at her parents' house her dad wouldn't let us sleep together. I'm 36, and last night when I was out with my 19 year old girlfriend someone yelled "Paedophile!" Being in love is a lot like central heating in your home. 07/03/2022 . Little did I know that I should have asked for a jury too. Did you hear about the virus that made all the teachers sick? I'm no mathematician, but I'm pretty good with numbers. Because they were literally born yesterday. You can fall from the sky and you can fall from a tree, but the best way for you to fall is to fall in love with me. He fell in love with a pincushion. I told her its unfair to make a judgement in less than a minute. 21. 18. Call her on the phone. Q: What book do women like the most? I wish I could post this on any other thread. John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. Youre so stunning that I just forgot my pick up line. Abby anniversary, my love! She knew I was the one on the phone! My girlfriend wanted to try "doctor and patient" roleplay I just fell over and injured myself when I saw you! I was shocked the other day when I thought I heard my girlfriend say she wanted to go to see The Monkees tribute band in Switzerland. My girlfriend is fed up of my constant wordplay jokes, so I asked her, How can I stop my addiction? But then i saw her face. I My stomach was churning for a while, but now Im finally feeling butter. Loyalty is very important for my wife The first time I was at their house, her dad told me we werent allowed to sleep together. My kids liked her, but my wife seemed upset. A second good shirt. What is the difference between arguing with your girlfriend and arguing with a knife? 48. I threw my girlfriend a surprise bukakke party. I want you inside me. Liquor in the front and poker in the back. You should know that no one understood it was an April Fools' joke. 27. Q: What do you call the daughter of a hamburger? Knock, knock.