- Unknown. I lost my husband of 19 years to cancer in 2003. The pain will ease, it never goes but you learn to live a new life and found growth. Once the anniversary of her death rolled around, I felt like the clouds lifted a little, and I wanted to be social, learn some new stuff, and even date. But I never did. Peace and acceptance will come. Jean was born on September 9, 1940 in Wabasha County to Arthur and Rachel (Kruger . The fact remains I just dont know what to do most of the time. I miss him so much. with friends like that, who needs enemies. Twenty eight years of marriage was not enough. I dont want it to be something that just passes. I have a son who is 13 from a previous marriage, and he is the only reason I stick around. He was so caring , so sweet man . Its the awful realization that she is really gone and will never return and be a part of my life again. Im carrying my grief alone, with friends that will never understand the pain, and a sister that is suffering just as much as me. But lately I find myself overwhelmed with sadness as weeping. I still do Mindfullness as a sleeping aid when needed. I have come to realize for myself that I ultimately need to move rid myself of too many artifacts of our life. My whole life has been turned upside down. This is normal feelings. The first year was filled with a kind of silliness, overall weirdnessi guess from shock..i was busy with the estate stuff and running around getting the legal things done i had to do. Sometimes, when Im having a bad day, that pain makes it hard to breathe. I feel the same. Wish that it would get easier but its not because life right now it is so hard. I believe this is true. Early on I dehydrated terribly and could not think clearly at all. It was 5 months ago today when it was the sad passing of Queen Elizabeth II. Such strength. Just keep living until you feel alive again, My life died October 26 2016 Thats is where those of us who have lost are doing each and everyday. I dont think Ive really dealt with this. Its been a year and 5 months since I lost my husband. Someone once said you never get over it Finding him was torture. We were married 47 years and he was my best friend. I press on, hard with old friends and family who look sad when they us. Perhaps- try some see a doctor about taking some thing mild to help you sleep but avoid dependence on sleep aids. Barbara- I hear and feel you loud and clear. Went to grief group, it helped a little, but like you at the end of the day your still alone. God Bless and Congratulations on your educational pursuits. I read about so many gone within a few months after losing their spouse and think how lucky they are! A person in this stage may feel the need to keep busy all the time, or do what they . We married at age 19. He was my life and it feels over. 6) All my life I kept wishing to grow older so I could finally move out and do my own thing. I too try to get back to normal but I realize this is my new normal. I am heart broken but as a lot of you have mentioned, it is just a different life of getting used to breathing and coping on my own.. I will continue the fight. You are always in my mind and I know you're watching over me and mum from above, it makes me smile even though I am sad. Worse even if you can believe it. I lost my son 2 years ago at age 24. He was 47. This makes me hurt even more I live now in constant prayer for my darling to be in the joyous comfort of our Father and Jesus and that when Father is ready, He will call me Home and reunite us together as He joined us together in 1980. I weep and wail and feel as though it happened yesterday. However, I end up waking up, and like a mouse in a wheel, run the same cycle daily. Thank God for His presents in my life along with my Two Dogs that my husband loved so much. I loved his family but they were always telling me how to grieve and to be happy. real visitors with unique IPs. In an odd way, I dont want to be done because I feel like if I stop thinking about her then that means I have stopped loving her (which I know isnt true, but thats how it feels). My siblings grieve with me, maybe they handle their emotions better. I cant escape it. The second year is different in many ways, first that some people expect you to be over it. So these last few days when it hit me hard, he has been understanding and supportive, and knows why Im suddenly sleeping 9-10 hrs/night and hardly able to do anything during the day. I try to do things volunteering etc.but I feel numb to everything. its been around 17 months since I lost my husband, we were married for 34 Years, he was almost 62 when he died suddenly in his sleep of heart failure. From the depths of old internet comments comes another incredible gem of a story. Occassionally it makes me actually sick. Take care all of you & we know were not alone experiencing this. Do not look for proof of this, proof doesnt matter, facts dont matterthe only way your husband will be close by is through your own actions. I never got a chance to grieve for my dog and now I was faced to grieve the both of them alone. I lost my beautiful wife of 40 years. Sometimes I feel its the house we lived in thats keeping me from moving on so I am selling it and getting a smaller place. The first year, I was in a fog, very forgetful, sad, depressed & feeling lost. I feel hopeless and just want this horrible life to be over. I struggle with everyday. There is not a day when I do not think of you. Theres no point to anything and Im not the mum I used to be. Most people think i am handling everything well and going on with my life but behind what people see is a much differant person than what is on the outside.. there are a few people closest to me that i know see behind the curtains of my soul. You may feel numb, shocked, and fearful. While we may be by ourselves we are never truly alone, I feel your pain and now you know mine. The first few months of the second have been harder for me than any of the FIRSTS of the first year, Miss him everyday, My mom passed last May of 2017 and it will barely be a year this May and I dont know why but I am having a hard time, harder then when she first passed. As far as these holidays coming up, i dont know how to get thru these,,,i feel time flying by as far as missing out, and yet its also dragging when it comes to healing. That hurts. I too see couples similar age to me together and think how lucky they are to have each other. My heart is breaking. I found him passed away from a heart attack on my 27th birthday. I just loved my husband so much as we were together 49 years and never spent any time apart. Its heart breaking One of our dogs (Milo) a king Charles took a stroke two months before and died. Its familiar, but different. I lost my wife 14 months ago, we Im just so heavy hearted hearing everyones stories. Reading these posts have made me realize I am not alone, but do not help ease the unending pain I feel. He was 84 & I am 65. I love him so. Time does not necessarily heal. And evethough it was most peaceful thing I have ever scene. Its been 2years and 2 months and some days it feels like yesterday all over again. It's been one year since we lost [name of person who passed]. You just described ME. I want to hear the sound of his voice, feel his arms around me, kiss me and tell me he loves me. I lost my husband, my best friend in 2016. TikTok video from Stacey (@lifeofathoroughbred): "can't believe it's been nearly a year since you passed away grumps #thoroughbred #angryhorse #alfiehorse #tempermental #dead #horsesoftiktok #passedaway". Obviously the first year is hard everyday life is like a punch in the stomach and the air is sucked so ferociously out of your lungs by the thieving grief, you almost pass out, but because I was used to not seeing him for a couple of months I kept thinking Ill see him soon. People are cruel regarding mourning time. Then Ovarian Cancer stage 3 came knocking on our door to become part of our life for the following two and a half years then took my love away. My husband died 16 months ago. 2nd year I didnt know how to cope with the pain so i was in a unlovable/toxic situation with someone plus I lost myself with drugs and alcohol. "How are you doing?". Death is such a natural part of life but its so cruel what iteaves behind. The message she left for me was, to take it day by day. Just unquestioning everything and analysing everything. Strange to think I am now living longer them. I live with grief and depression everyday. I yearn so badly just to be with him. My husband listens and understands and yet I continue to be sad. I dont want it and I envy those who die soon after their loved spouse passes. I am at 29 months of losing my bff. I go through the motions and let family & friends believe Im coping ok. Id rather be home. She was crying every day on the way to and from work. I struggle to find anyone whos gone through something similar since its so rare. I was just finishing my first semester of college and he was the father figure I never had. Noreen, Its just about a year since my husband of 55 years died. I took care of her. If I could take your hurt away I would. The former Bachelor in Paradise star penned a . I lost my mother, almost two years ago. Now this week is his anniversary and Im a real crazy mess. I feel the same. I find it heartbreaking to see their grief and I feel embarrassed about having a boyfriend who has brought some sun into my life. We all will walk this path our own way, its the most difficult challenge of ones life. Im trying to keep positive for my other son but inside In broken. I try to get through each day but it is so extremely difficult as you all know. Mike was my power house. And took over my wifes life I came home valentines night from work found my wife leaning against the wall on the floor. For me going into this second year is harder than the first because now I can really feel the loss. it has suddenly hit home I will never get on that plane to see him, Ill never be able to bring him home and look after him like he looked out for me. Lost. Im remember things I wish I would have done and several moments I wish I could have done better. People say you need to find love again. I read a lot about near death experiences and it has helped a little bit. I feel your pain .. I feel them close. I do have some hope to give you. Nothing in life has prepared me for this and Ive been forever altered by it. I lost my son and then his father 150 days later. I am so lost still. It was he and I for 37 years. I know what you are going through. You never forget, you just learn how to deal with the pain and heartache. Then a few months later it came back with a vengeance.. everywhere. The years we've shared have been full of joy. I do have my faith and helps sustain me Date Calculators. Many loves lost as I mature. I used to look forward to this time of year but Im not there yet. This is good to know. A blessing one night though. I feel horrible. I share everyones pain expressed here. I was her carer at home till she passed away and now I am broken hearted and dont know what to do. Its just about me now. Ive been bombarded by e-harmony and match.com. Breathe. I never knew I could cry so much and as someone says above, I dont want my anti depressants, its a different mind frame. Nellie, Im so sorry that we have to have these losses as a connection. Sleeping at night is very difacult. Two months have passed. He came into my life defending me from a bully. I havent lived since the diagnosis last June. My soul. I've written letters to everyone who . We get together once or twice a week and have made no plans for a future together. I dont really like the person I am at the moment, but am hopeful I will feel more complete, When my husband was ill and I spent a lot of time stressed and worried, I told a friend that previously my life had been like a bracelet of pearls, but now the pearls were interspersed with pebbles, no more complete happiness. I pray I will soon be better. The missing her is getting worse. Am trying to make Xmas a happy time. Theses waves of grief dont last all day, as they did last year, but they are intense when they do happen, yet short. Wew!! Sounds like me. In February of last year, my Father passed away from pancreatic cancer. Love and understanding yo all of us. A year had passed. The second is that the shock may be gone but then, for me, is a longing for the companionship of my husband.He was an exceptional person, as I sure all of your loved ones were! I just feel it,s getting worse. Just like so many of you who have graciously shared your journey here, when grief came, I too found myself unable to stand, lying on the floor and calling out his name, over and over again. i feel so much for you all > I lost my husband after being married 50 years . I think it better I stay home the rest of the week. Recently my guilt has shifted. heart. 2 likes. I try to act normal and sometimes its really hard. She said if Im going to die. When you lose someone that close to you it is the one time when you can tell the whole world to go jump in a lake if it expects you to get on with things. I feel that its not fair to her or myself. I was with my husband for 50 years. Its been a year. Praying at night sends me off to sleep. Nothing has sidewiped me as my beloved partner partner. I am in Year #2 and do know how these thoughts can creep in..But sucuide leaves so much suffering for those that remain. The first year the crying was more intense now its deeper in a way. I miss her so bad. The pain was so great. Michael was a gifted guitar player. I hope we both gain some life of normalcy.. I wasnt look for a new realationship I was coping . I try and fill my time, but would rather be hold up in my house and not face the world. How disappointed are we when a long planned vacation-of-a-lifetime turns out to be not all what we would have hoped? I just want to let you know that, youre not the only one that feels this way, and that youre not alone. Im going into my 2nd year of the loss of my son August 5, w2017.. he was murdered at the age of 23. Ive hardened, refusing to be let hurt again. I dont like telling anyone how I feel because I think they Though true, it doesnt help. Love to everyone out there. so be it . I also wonder if the fact that I just turned 60 this summer, dont have much other close family, unable to work & my life restricted by disability, pain levels & not driving, are added in to the mix. The Lord is working on that companions heart as we speak, and that person is trying to prepare themselves for a crossroads convergence with your heart. I am in the second year, 20 months ago I lost my husband,my sole mate after 31years&8 months of doing everything together,always by each others side,this is the hardest thing I have ever had to face! For me, the first year was difficult, of course, but the grief was so intense that in the strangest way there was purpose in it. I would truly love to hear what others have done (remained or moved) and how they reflect on their choice. I am a musician I play guitar a song that I came across hit me like bricks its called, Something You Get Though by Willie Nelson look it up. And lots of shipwrecks. Yes, the lack of interest in things, the TV watching, but you do say you have faith it will get easier. Who I am very proud to have and love them all dearly. It felt so good. I was told theres no heartbeat, his heart stop beating that they have to take the tubes out. Not up and down but flat and down. We had bought a house, were remodeling it, and then going to sell the house and move out to the country. We experience the acute phase of grief, or the moment right after passing. He died from septic shock brought on from diverticulitis in a little over 30 hours. Now, Im in year two and I feel like Ive awoke from a coma. Even though my brother was in the military for twenty four years and had been gone most of the time from the family. A year without you is almost too much to bear.". What really helps is to volunteer helping others and stay busy. I dont know exactly. The finality of it all. Be patient with those who dont understand. But, as Kevorkian explains, you will begin to heal over time, which will make your grief more bearable. I never imagined I would grieve so hard. I wish it would get better and I could smile again, just a simple smile once in awhile. My loss is just as great as it was the day he passed. I dont think we were lucky Christmas, Easter, my birthday, and now most recently we just suffered a loss five days ago, Thanksgiving, the last holiday not colored by the death of someone special to me. Wendy I lost my mother two yrs ago this December 22, 2017. It is 660,116 days from the start date to the end date, but not including the end date.. Or 1807 years, 4 months excluding the end date.. Or 21688 months excluding the end date. Some people have told me that the second year was actually more of a challenge. multiple pages visited He looked after us all and I want him back so I can look after him! I miss him so much and find myself crying lots.I want him back and I know that its impossible. I am 55 I just cant go on therapy does not help I pray to God to take me and let someone else live. Were in the club that no one wants to join. I have lost a GREAT. Blurry. If you dont mind I will include you in my prayers. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. Over 57 years, my Mom had been an officer, board member and choir member. come to find out later it was a accidental overdose of Benzodiazapine. So not get confused by readings and spiritual books, everything you need to know you already know AND if I get to the end of my life and there isnt anything else but being reunited graveside and no knowledge of it, I still will feel better for the illusion of togetherness than the reality of separation. but just lately especially coming up to xmas memories are coming too me all the time. I am now 23 and I can assure you that the pain never goes away. Well grieving does affect your metabolism, and hormones, and you are tired all the time, and often overeat. Hi Heather That was September 2013. Nothing has ever hurt so much and felt so hopeless. Those who survive COVID-19 are often left with . This 2nd year is unbelievably hard. I am so sorry that we are all here. Over time your focus will change, youll not lose him but you have to allow yourself to be distracted, the pain only eases when you do. Comparing him to my late husband. But it does help to know that I am not alone and unfortunately, there are others struggling as much as I am. Jackie, your words hit the mark, I lost my husband 18 months ago, no warning just woke up to finding him taking his last breath, I called 911, started CPR after 20 min. Four month After losing him, I lost my job. I feel the same way about Clay. You can see them coming. I have given up everything I use to love to do. I still fill the need to call her sometimes. Just stay out of my life Im going to do what I want to do I am in love I am happy he loves me just leave me alone and let me have a life. I lived on chicken nuggets and pop tarts for the first year. I came on here hoping for good news for year two. It helps a great deal to know that grieving beyond one year is normal. Jackie you expressed much of what I feel for the most part. I still cant believe hes gone. I lost my I thought that by this time (14 months) it would hurt less. My husband stopped to fill out the divorce papers after I contacted him to help me stop the divorce with my husband and now things are much better now. The body is never the same again, but healing does happen. He was so close to me just like a little brother. It changes. i wish all of you well, and know i ache for you and your losses. Hi I lost my husband 15 months ago and Im so lost and empty inside I keep thinking maybe hes not really dead and is just taking time out on his way home from work he had a cardiac arrest we have 5 kids 3 older and two under 12 we were together for 25 years he was also my best friend we went through so much together I have a mental illness and from the good and bad times he was the I had a court case 11 months after he died he never got to see the outcome and after been together for so long 3 years ago with him by my side I decided to do it I wish he could have been there free dealing with things and been my my side I feel so guilty that at the time he needed me most I wasnt there for him also he was never sick I miss him so so much my heart and my body physically hurt . My husband died 8 mos ago. We have 4 daughters 24,21 and twin 15 year olds. . Its horrific. There were many ups and downs with surgeries and chemo, but she lived for everyday with our children. I sat today looking through the plethora of pictures of her and I'm just so happy I had what little time I did with her. I dont want him to think our lives are all moving on and I dont miss him. I lost my wife as well, my best friend o 32 years. But now I sit here missing her so much They may not even be pearls, but something beautiful and shining, lovely days to counteract the darkness. They're what's come to be known as long-haulers in a pandemic that's killing about 2,500 Americans a day as case numbers soar from coast to coast. I lost my husband of 34 yrs to a brain tumor 7 weeks after diagnosis. I say to myself to what end? Her death is still the first thing I think of when I wake and the last thing I think of when I go to bed. I will say all the craziness going on in the world and especially in the U.S. where the nightmares and fear continues with daily presidential tweetsa distraction I wish I didnt havebut a distraction from grief none the less. Its tough, 2 years ago my wife had back surgery the third morning after surgery she complained of a hard time breathing early the next day the hospital called and she passed from a blood clot. I cant write it but feel it and I feel it with you. I pray that time will heal. I was told by a nurse in hospice to sit with him and let him know Id be alright if he left. But was suppose to be ok. Much love. However, Ive lost my father, mother, cousin whom in my heart was my brother. The year anniversary of his passing will be Dec 5. 4) Mom, your memories are my life's only solace. 5th Nov 2017 was the most horrible night when we were called to the hospital and she was just lying there unconscious. So numb. all the time.God bless you. Your children would feel the pain you feel if something happened to you! I still feel that and Ive found my self seeking for that feeling that only a mother can give. After being with him for over half my life. My prayers be with you all. Year two was when reality somehow knocked on the door; it was terrible. Thank you, Kathy..I am so sorry your husbands life ended so needlessly.I would like to think your hubbys buddy is resting with him.my Katie ..my beautiful hound died 7 months after my hubby died and I KNOW she went to be with him..my 17 year old cat died one month before my hubby.so I do imagine them all together..keep strongthinking of you..hugs. I waited for the flood of feelings I was sure would come. I do not socialize, even at church. "To live in the hearts of those we love is never to die" - Hazel Gaynor. I have grown children but they have their lives and are busy with their kids activities. Hope you are looking after yourselves in these uncertain times. It's been 3 months since my husband passed. I just want five minutes with my mum. I keep telling myself it will get easier but I just cant see easier insight. Only once in a while I say anything about it anymore. All the talk about heroin overdoses and pet smart commercials is too much. And the griever may find themselves thinking, this isnt any easier. Year two can be very difficult, in some very unexpected ways. My daughter is 15. I lost my mum very unexpectedly and suddenly on the 27th october 2018. This year, however, i really noticed how each are busy with their own lives nowtho i am sure would come if i called, theres nothing they can do. He was 45, and had suffered no symptoms until is was far too late. That helps . Every day is a struggle doing better with Councellor,but I miss him sooooo much Much love everyone. )the two dogs were winning for mamma. He took his own life. I miss him so much and want to be close to him again. We cannot expect them to put on a show. If there is a God please let me die. Small cel lung cancer she had half lung one 3/4 lung left married 33 yrs happy married. He was diagnosed with a brain tumor in 1996, right before we got married. I met him when I was just 15 years old so I grew old with him. At 4 days old she came into my life as a bottle baby, I fought so hard to keep her alive, she defied the odds for 27 months. I am lost and have no confidence anymore. I hope you have survived you thoughts of taking you life. For me, that reuniting may be when Im shipped back to the USA to be buried alongside him. I am not the same person I was. Before, at least I had some role to play in this horrific scene, but now it feels as though there is an even duller grayness about everything. It was most recently raised . I wish that I could help. Anyway it felt good to post this here. There is a limit to the amount of money that we can pay to a family. I am at peace with him being gone, I just miss him like none other. Our bond of love was so deep and our lives so inextricably intertwined that a part of me died that day too. I lost my mom nearly 10 months ago. My husbands emotional return Plismy husband passed away at the beginning of this year from brain tumor after being together for almost one mnth now his gone and its the second mnthits just hurts and a headache and making me cry all nitei dnt know wat to do ..i need advice.. He was my first love. The thought of living 20-30yrs without them is so very hard, I know exactly what u mean theres that one love and no body & I mean no body will ever take his place Ill never love again the way I loved him 35 years I was w this man & his gone Im still in a river of tears every oldie comes on the water starts to over flow I dont believe it gets easier I loved him my heart continues to hurt..nothing helps. If I can last that long. i found myself googling for months trying to understand the event how it happened and could i have avoided it. So I was been very very careful about how I was feeling questioning everything . If the second year is worst than the first I do t know if Ill survive. Thank you for sharing, Its been 2 years and tomorrow 1 month. Death cannot kill what never dies" - William Penn. Today she would've turned 3. Each day.. I have been an extra-ordinary minister of the Eucharist for 30 years and now have signed on to be a sacristan, a greeter, and deliver communion to our parish shut-ins. Amber whatever you do.dont blame yourself no one knows how they would respond in a traumatic situation. We have to carry on, remember them (I still find it difficult to use memories as a crutch, as theyre a reminder that hes not here!) But they didnt get chance to sell it before dad just suddenly fell and passed away. God bless you all and I wish the very bestnformyou. I am so sorry for your loss but shingles can be so painful and you were trying to spare him this pain. Who knows, but you are on your schedule. Im bipolar, which does not help. I have joined some new groups mostly for the socialization but it does not fill the void. Ive always been in control of my life & now Im not. The second is Grief Share, Your Journey from Mourning to Joy, a nationally organized support program to help individuals in their most difficult journey. My prayers are with all of us that are going through this horrible grieving with broken hearts. Make little rituals thR help you feel close. I was a person with very strong faith, but this life changing event has caused me to question all Ive ever believed. I went back to work and I found some new hobbies and established my new normal. She fought with ovarian cancer since 2011. There are no words to describe the pain! But I have three grown Kids. I dont know how long ill Live on without him, trapped in this hell, but ill Be so relieved when this life is finished, and I see him again. Granted, it was the best way for him, but he was not sick, i had no warning. So I stay home crying and dont know where my life is going. I have lost my dad and two brothers and for some reason right now I feel more pain then I have in a long time . Very first time I laid my eyes on my bf I was in love. I feel Im constantly stumbling through life on the edge of whats real and whats not. My faith has sustained me and has grown beyond what thought it could be. Unbeknownst to either of us he had a very enlarged heart. My sister died 3 years ago at age 47. We struggled to get answers until she was diagnosed with an extremely rare brain disease. I new I had to cope for them and my own sanerty. I think about her every single day. Christmas is upon us. (Yes, I know, 14 months is not enough time, but this grievers-purgatory, if you will, is mentally exhausting.). I feel like you do after my husband was murdered a year ago and then my beloved dog died.